Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
