You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
