oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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