I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
