Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You can't motorboat a personality
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
