i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
