Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
