you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
