erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
