worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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