Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
