I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
