I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
