i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
