the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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