Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
