so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
