"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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