Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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