SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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