Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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