I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
