i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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