from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
