I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
