Don't make out with my wife yet
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
