I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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