Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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