I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
