so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
