Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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