This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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