You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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