I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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