Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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