she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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