Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
