Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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