My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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