what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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