and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
