tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
