Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude i'm inner monologue high
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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