Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize