we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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