guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random