My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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