Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
