My liver just broke up with me...
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.