Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i don't like sucking hair
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"