you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Small penises have feelings too.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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