If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
