Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
