The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
