bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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