i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
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