omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
