I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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