next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
