hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
