We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
