FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
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Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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