let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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