Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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