Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
