True but thats because hes a fetus.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Everclear isn't food dammit
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
