Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize