Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
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I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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