Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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