She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
