I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
