You made me cry and you don't even care
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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