well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
