yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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